it was the cello, probably

it's beautiful to watch someone discover something for the first time. to watch their curiosity and their mistakes and their quiet little discoveries.

old-fashioned

i quite like this.

{via here}

"I may sound old-fashioned, but I want to think all women should be treated like I want my wife, daughters, and granddaughters to be treated. I notice today that good manners—like standing up when a woman enters the room, helping a woman with her coat, letting her enter an elevator first, taking her arm to cross the street—are sometimes considered unnecessary or a throwback. These are habits I could never break, nor would I want to. I realize today a lot more women are taking care of themselves than in the past, but no woman is offended by politeness." —Frank Sinatra

11

about halfway through today, i started to feel badly that it's september 11, and i hadn't thought too much about what happened 11 years ago in the midst of being busy. i started reflecting on it, and about all that has transpired since. i read joe's post, which provided a solemn new perspective.

ground zero on my last day in new york, 2010.

i thought about where i was when i found out the news of september 11. my 8th grade history class was in the library researching stuff for a project and of course i was in charge of drawing things, and doing so diligently. eventually i realized the majority of the class had sauntered out into the main area of the library, where i could see them through the windows of the room in which i was working. their eyes were glued to the tv. i strained to see what they were looking at, but it looked like some action movie. bombs blowing stuff up. being the stalwart student i was, i turned my focus back to my project and continued to work.

of course it wasn't an action movie. it was the news.

***

i just found my journal from that day. apparently it was a tuesday, and i wrote at 11:18pm. it started with "AMERICA GOT ATTACKED TODAY!" in all caps and ended with "I am so thankful for our safety!"

but that's not the part that made me think. out of my journal fell an envelope entitled, "to my future kids" in bubble letters and in it was a letter to them, explaining my feelings about what happened. i'm grateful for my history teacher mr. chilcoat for making us write those letters*. my favorite part: "i didn't want to get all spiritual on you here, but i'm going to anyway." it's kind of interesting to hear my thoughts from then. i was 13. but more so, i'm glad that i was asked to document something that has turned out to be so meaningful.

***

tonight, upon hearing some other truly tragic news that happened only a few hours ago, i realized that it is so important to live every day to its fullest. life can be so resilient, yet so fragile. reflection today has made me want to surrender any hard feelings and hug my family members and friends a little more tightly.

--

*i'm also grateful to chilcoat, because he told us that day, "you'll never forget where you were today when you heard of this attack." i honestly would have forgotten a detail such as that had he not made that note. also, according to my journal he taught us about heros the next day, which i felt was a really appropriate way of helping us to understand what was going on.

guitar chords and moral lessons

i've been working on my bfa project this morning. mainly gathering scraps of inspiration and making this pinboard, but in real life.

i was singing at the top of my lungs while doing so, just as kind of a peripheral happenstance. it was odd how clear and controlled my voice was; i think for some reason since no one was around and i was just super calm and content, cutting out bitty pieces of inspiration, i was able to really let go and just sing. almost like i used to.

after a while, i couldn't help but grab my guitar. for about twenty minutes, my guitar and i had a great time together. after, i gchatted this to jeff:

meanwhile, i just took a break to learn a new song on my guitar.

and i liked that. 

my fingers miss those steel strings, and i think i say that to myself every time i start to play again. 

funny how easily forgotten some very important things are.

he responded, 

it is funny. 

and kind of scary. 

be they guitar chords or moral lessons.

whelp, back to cutting up inspiration.

#littlethingscount

they move on tracks of never-ending light

[though it looks like one, this isn't a poem; it's just an unedited thought i scribbled out during a concert to the other night. i just preserved the format here that i wrote in my book, based on the book's physical constraints. the mental image i got was cooler than the words this time, but here they are anyway.]

adventures are challenging,
difficult and painful at times.
but worth it.
always worth it.

the whole point of exploring is
to uncover uncharted territories.
places that quite literally no one
has gone before.

which is honestly terrifying,
when you think about it.
because no one can know
what there is to be found.

but though there could be
tigers or snakes or monsters
or our biggest insecurities
waiting to stare us in the face,

no one will ever know their strength
until they face them.

[i've always said i love adventure--all sorts of it--but i'm not so sure if i ever really fully processed this aspect of it. out of default and experience, i've accepted it, but i don't know if i've ever really committed to accepting it willingly.]

unpacking

[written at 9:20 this morning] 

it's been quite warm (we hit a record the other day for record high during this time of the year!) but early today the sun was shy and the clouds replaced its usual greeting. i noticed this as i rushed to my car after a busy morning, late for work. as i strapped my on seatbelt and pulled out into the street, i realized i felt a breeze. it was coming from the windows which were still cracked to ventilate yesterday's heat. though it wasn't warm this morning, it wasn't unnecessarily chilly, so i kept them that way as i sped on.

gloomy as the outside appeared, for me there was a different quality to it. a familiar atmospheric texture. i couldn't put my finger on it.

my mind was preoccupied with other thoughts, but it occasionally dipped back into a vague recognition of this somewhat recognizable ambiance as i drove.

unlike the normal overcast utah mornings, it wasn't cold, and i could feel water in the air though the rain hadn't made its way down yet.

it wasn't until i caught a scent as i rounded a slight bend in the road that i realized what it was. the faint smell was cigarette smoke, diluted by the smell of oncoming rain. that's when it donned on me:

new york.

of course. many of my memories from my internship two summers ago were fraught with this smell, feel, and surrounding environment. even the current road construction added to it. the only difference was that i was driving to work this time, rather than walking, and i was on the other side of the country.

i let my mind wander back to reminisce. the sporadic rain storms, walking to society, the crazy heat, the dynamics of various circumstances and relationships, the friends that i'd met there, so many fascinating strangers, the curiosity and wonder and awe that i tried to maintain throughout the entirety of my total eight weeks there.

i missed it.
all of it.
and i missed them.
and for a brief moment, i missed the me that was there.

but the other day, i penned it in black and white as i wrote to a friend:
she's still in me, somewhere.

----

in many aspects, i think i was a better person in new york.
the circumstances made it easier for me to function at my optimum capacity.

but, recently i heard a devotional by stanley g. ellis, who gave some solid advice about handling the "temporary stages of your life"...which can last a lot longer sometimes than we anticipate:

unpack your bags.

"be where we are. have an attitude as for years...be there, until you're not. the eternal attitude of a transient isn't good....[that] attitude....will rob you of much joy and satisfaction...and will cause the...community to lose the many contributions you could make."

that kind of hit me hard.
i'm not in new york now.
and i don't know when i'll return.

but -- what good did it do for me, if i only let that growth affect me while i'm there? or any place of growth, for that matter?

i need to apply that here. now. and i need to stop waiting for my future goals to be recognized to make me into the person i want to become. because chances are, as i focus on working harder to be that person now, i'll be a much better version of her later, and will be more prepared and ready when the rubber hits the road as those goals are actualized.

it's okay to miss times, places, circumstances, people, and discoveries that brought out the best in me. but i realized that it's almost like spitting in the faces of those people and places if i let whatever they made me into die simply because i don't want to make the effort to find and apply their effects within myself again.

---

well. that post didn't go where i thought it would go.
it was just going to say, "this morning felt gloomy but refreshing outside and i missed new york."
but i suppose i needed to remind myself of what i ended up writing.

red lipstick

for a lot of reasons, i've been thinking about vulnerability a lot.

i've also been intently studying this diagram:

{via here}

and thinking about it.

and then i wrote a 17-page paper on vulnerability and TURNED. IT. IN.
(finally!)
you'd think that'd be pretty inclusive, right?
wrong.
i still have thoughts on it, as i experience it more and more.

so i'll probably write about it on my blog.
probably.

if that's okay with you.

i'll start with this conclusion from my research:

and guess what? so many of you already were willing to be vulnerable, by responding to my last post. no, it wasn't an experiment* at all; i just genuinely wanted to know what others thought of those dichotomies that i've been pondering. and i realized that by sharing some of my vulnerability with you, and you with me, we created a deeper connection. cool, yes?

so i *really* want to thank all of you who commented, emailed, and spoke with me about my last post. that was really neat to hear everyone else open up on those subjects. and if anyone would still like to add, i'd LOVE to hear what you have to say.

{addendum:: i'm going to add "the vulnerability experiment" tag to past and future posts that have to do with trying out vulnerability. lest you think i'm lying up there.}

questions for you

lots of things are going on in my head these days. in various experiences, i've been trying to separate the concept from the event, to make my choices.
--

in reality, i started this post weeks ago. i've made most the choices in my control, but the concepts have stuck with me. so i listed some of them below, without the stigma of my thoughts. why?

because, dear reader, you're always so good to come here and read my thoughts; this time i'd like to hear yours. and by writing down your thoughts and therefore committing them (just for this time and place; they can always change of course) maybe you can learn something, too? 

 i usually don't lobby for comments but if you have any thoughts about these, please leave a comment. i'm honestly very interested in anything you have to say.

--

1 // the dichotomy between being who we are and being who we want to be. similarly, trying to be who we are and being who we think we "should" be, or what our friends / family / peers expect us to be (or already see us as). 

2 // investing in something stable that brings benefits now and potential decent benefits later. or, investing in something unstable now that might potentially bring even better long-term benefits later.

3 // the tension between vulnerability and self-protection. 

4 // the balance of realism and hope. and how much effort to give to both. and how that ties into honesty, especially with yourself.

5 // perfectionism inviting paralysis

6 // where and how to draw the line between pushing ourself hard enough so that we'll grow, and overstepping that point to where we push ourselves too far, which could damage and lead to inhibition rather than growth. (ie, when you work out, you're literally tearing your muscles apart. that's why muscles get bigger; the tissue grows larger on top of the torn areas. but injuries come from pushing too hard, and then you're further away than where you began....)

7 // strengths and weaknesses. and how they tie in with vulnerability and humility and shame.

8 // holding on and letting go.

//photo taken by miss holga, from one of our adventures

in the mood

i've been in an art funk lately. we could say it's been this past week. or maybe this semester. or perhaps this whole year.

it's a long, difficult, tangential story, which i'll not explain now.

but i just wanted to record an experience.
today i was determined to be productive.

from 1-5pm, i locked myself in the lab and animated. i re-drew one of the keys. tweened between frames 11 and 31. shot them. got a character sheet. re-drew the keys. better. re-drew the tweens. shot them. et cetera.

this time, i'm determined.

and it worked. i still haven't gotten a lot done, but i've worked my tail off, and that counts for something. i was super tired around 5, so i went upstairs and took a nap.

after i awoke, i heard noise below. i looked over the 5th floor balcony; it seemed as though the h-fac was bursting with...culture. i just stood there and soaked it all in. there was an art reception going on, so there were lots of people. wonderful people. individuals. // good food. shrimp, fruits, veggies, all sortsa dessert...they did it right. // lots of art. photography. paintings. ripped paper. colored cylinders on the floor. // a slap bassist and percussionist. ambient, somewhat jazzy music creating the mood. aaaaah. // one photography exhibit about new york subway musicians. enter nostalgia.

i realized: this. this is my world. i have missed this sense of culture lately. this sort of ambiance. and i need it.

though my personal skill set for the creation of art is not yet where i want it to be, my whole life is infiltrated with art. not just visual art or even just music (though they take a very prominent place).  though it may be clichéd, this quote the closest thing i've found that describes how i feel this accurately.

i think i'm ready to begin again.

consider the daisies

you might know the saying. as jeff reminded me,

don't worry too much about what's happening under it all.
the roots are growing, even if we can't see them.
and too many good things have been ruined because some people can't resist pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing.

but i just can't help but think that sometimes it's hard to tell whether i'm pulling up the daisies or just haphazardly yet faithfully watering them everyday, but without taking thought that water might not be what they need (perhaps they need more sun, or less water, or ...vitamin...water...?)

yeah.

i'm super stoked for general conference this weekend. i have an impossible schedule -- i don't see how i can get everything done in the physical amount of time that i have.

but.

i know that if i put God first, watch conference (four sessions!) and do my best, things will work out. they always do. and if they don't, they're probably not as important as i think they are.

the cool thing is, no matter who you are, there is bound to be something that will help you. and it's so accessible: you can even view it here. one click away to potentially life-changing info.

cool.

i am beyond excited to hear what insights lay in store for us this weekend. i hope it helps my garden situation.

 

wind & a cloud

"walking through wind makes you feel 

so much more epic than walking through normal air." 

that was my facebook status a long while ago and i still stand by it 100%, thank you very much.

i thought about it today when i was walking to my car after school. then my metaphorical mind started to wander, as it tends to do....

the sky was washed flat with gray from the top down, it seemed. dark to lighter. 

it came down to some muddy white soft clouds

which came opened up into a horizontal blue patch 

of sky

[just found out: quick photoshop doodles help capture memories]

which made room for more clouds

fluffy white ones 

with lots of depth

and lots of substance. 

then those faded out again into gray

which was flat and translucent. 

as i walked down a hill, i watched it slowly change. 

couldn't take my eyes away. 

it wasn't the most amazing display ever, but was still so beautiful. something about it....

i stopped, just to stare. 

texted a dear friend whom i miss. 

thought more.

kept going,

walked through the wind.

the air was warm, and the wind was a tad chilly 

but i wasn't cold. 

[...not how they looked, but how they felt.]

the wind was powerful.

it was kind of beautiful: 

that feeling of walking through resistance with my head held high

[because i was focused on something beautiful above me]

while everything was blowing around me

but walking with a purpose

in a straight line

toward a specific destination.

that big green minivan suddenly represented something much more wonderful

than a big green minivan. 

[although, 'more wonderful' is kind of hard to come by...when you have a big green minivan.]

intangibilities : beauty

people need beauty in their lives. 

{written at 8:42 am}

early this morning i headed to work, surprisingly on time. when i rounded my very favorite bend of the neighborhood looking over the city, my breath was literally taken away. for some reason, today it was more beautiful and ethereal than i've seen in quite some time. it looked completely unreal. the view that i saw would have been obscured if one were already below in the city. because i was on a hill, my vision was perfect. metaphor? possibly. i slowed the car and pulled on the side of the road to watch.

i turned off the radio and listened to the silence. i couldn't stay long, and i had no camera. however, photographer as i am, i was almost glad that i had no way to record it this time. it forced me to just stare upward, appreciate, soak in the real thing -- not just the record of it -- more fully.

{when i first started photography, i had this hunger to record absolutely everything. as the files started piling up and the anxiety of getting them all edited/facebooked/sent/whatever, i decided to take less photos and started to just...feel...more. today was one of those days.}

i wished i had someone there with me to share the view, anyone-- but alone in my car, i did not.

then i realized i had someone there: i prayed. thanked God for just about everything in my vision. just that act, coupled with the pure, untouched beauty before me was a really fascinating experience. i was surprised about how much i was truly and genuinely grateful for right at that moment -- those intangible three minutes of time.

...

i drove to work and parked. i work on campus; i have to climb a hill to reach my building. as i climbed, i kept looking up. though at first my vision was obscured, the more i climbed the more i saw. finally, i stopped and looked around -- there it was: the beauty. the view was different; the perspective had changed. i had to adjust my position to see the same mountains as i had before, but beauty is fleeting; it wasn't as glorious as before. but still pretty breathtaking. made me glad i'd seen what i had from where i was before--it made me more fully appreciate what i saw now.

i had to keep going-- work was my destination. i kept climbing. right before i walked into the building, i took one last look up and could see, almost hidden by foreground trees-- those mountains. the beauty.

metaphor time! this post is just a literal record of the thoughts and how they formulated i my head this morning. concluding with the quite obvious and perhaps all-too-overused metaphor. i'll keep it short and let you fill in the rest:

sometimes it's hard to see the beauty in life. we focus on our worries, concerns, tasks, goals, day-to-day activities, people...at times, we just have to. but remember, beauty is fleeting. how will we see it if we aren't looking heavenward...?

don't know what you've got til it's gone

[i wrote this yesterday : saturday december 18]

i am a sentimental person and i can easily attach myself to things and people. i know this.

but i had no idea how much i loved the provo tabernacle until this morning when i saw how much of it isn't there anymore; my heart just broke a little. 

my mom called me, completely choked up, at 6:30am to let me know that it had caught fire and was rapidly burning down. i was shocked and didn't really know how to feel. i got online and saw the news stories, such as this one. while i watched the videos, my eyes flooded with unexpected tears. 

i had work at 8 am, but as i was driving to work i felt myself impulsively veer the car to turn south instead of heading straight to campus. i didn't stop myself; i had a sneaking suspicion i'd do that when when i'd seen the videos.

i pulled in to a parking slot on center street in time to see the smoke still billowing steadily from the building. i sat there in my car, while fresh tears ran down my face. vaguely aware and slightly peeved that i didn't have my camera, i grabbed my sketchbook and a couple of pens and headed out into the cold.

i know to some, to many-- it was just a building. i know. to others, it was a church-owned building, a historic wonder of utah, a part of our heritage. it was this, indeed...but to me, it was also a place of security, and a place full of memories. i don't remember the last time i felt this way about a "thing" being destroyed since we lost our tree last year. i realize it's because it's not just a "thing"...it's the home of a billion memoirs.

as i watched the firemen work to put out the fire (apparently there are still flames in the back of the building), a lot of things went through my head.
 
i remembered all those times growing up when we'd go to stake conference there. to me, it was a privilege to sojourn once a year to that building for church. i remembered, during those times, feeling privileged to sit in the balcony, and at some times trying to see that cute boy that i liked or wave to some of my girl friends. i remembered looking around, seeing so many familiar faces and feeling happiness, unity and peace. i remembered standing and singing hymns and feeling the spirit as i sat, listening to the speakers. i remembered drawing the architecture on the program while listening to a choir (i wonder if i still have that...). i remembered the time that i was asked by elder moon, of the quorum of the 70, to recite with another girl, 'the living Christ' to my entire stake from memory. i remembered the hesitant feelings i had that day, and the many small miracles that accompanied to bring me peace and success. that's in fact, one of the first things i think about when i think of the tabernacle.


i also remembered my high school choir performances there, and that beautiful organ. lots of rehearsals. i remembered different feelings -- of excitement, of anticipation and of wonder i felt at the onset of singing  -- solely because of the humble grandeur of the place. i remember last year i sang in a byu choir (the first time i'd choir-ed in college) and the sense of familiarity and welcome i felt as i walked in to that rehearsal and following performance. it had just felt...right. 

i stood there this morning, in the cold, drawing the building amidst the firefighters and spectators. i met a random byu student around my age and talking with her about it, then an older gentleman who was a photographer who'd shot many an event in the building. 

turned out that drawing the place was cathartic for me. it was, in a way, my way of paying tribute to the old friend. as i drew, i said goodbye. my emotions, the hurried pace and honestly the freezing cold made it hard for my hands to not shake so it wasn't a really great drawing, but i didn't really care: what i cared about was that i documented that experience, not so much the actual look, in my own way. and for that i was grateful. 

after the girl and man left, i saw two good friends* taking photos. we reminisced for a bit, and it was nice to see familiar faces. after about 45 total minutes of freezing, i left for work. 

i know i'm not alone in feeling this way, which is comforting. i like sharing feelings with each other. not just sharing = me telling, but sharing = us feeling mutually. i texted some friends and family about it this morning, and posted a link to the article on facebook. i saw that many other friends had posted similar feelings. it was cool how each expressed the same thing, but in their own way.

"Mourning the loss of the heart of downtown Provo today." -dalene

"I can't believe that we are losing the Provo Tabernacle." -kate

"A little piece of my heart broke when I heard about the Provo Tabernacle fire. :( Praying they can salvage the shell so they can rebuild." -karen

"I'm gonna cry. So many memories in that tabernacle. The best of provo's historic buildings. Ugh....this really sucks!" -sara

"So sad by the loss of the Provo Tabernacle this morning. So many memories I treasure there....choir concerts, stake conference and Christmas festivities. Over 100 years of history lost in a matter of hours." -stephanie

"One of the most historical buildings from my hometown went up in flames this morning." - joe

"Devastated over the loss of the Provo Tabernacle. We used to walk by it daily, and now it's in ruins." -anthony

and, simply,

"Tabernacle. :(" -hannah

my brother kevin just texted me that he and his wife were going to the performance that was scheduled tonight. the original artwork and production set for the performance has all been destroyed, and many of the instruments. later, he simply texted me, "I had my seminary graduation there." again: so simple, yet so special. [sidenote: check this out. what an awesome testimony. also, this is a beautiful tribute]

strange how much one little building can be based around so many powerful memories and affect so many lives.

it will be forever remembered in the hearts of those who have grown up here and those who have since connected with it. if you have any affiliation or memory of the tabernacle you'd like to share, i would love to read it in the comments. and if not, i hope that maybe through my memories and the others' sentiments above, you can at least vicariously get to know the old building a little bit.  it is worth getting to know. 

*kody threlfall was one of those friends, who took the beautiful photographs that accompany this post. 

little letters

dear wind: you make me feel so awesome.

dear 6-month old 27-inch imac at work: why did you crash? i treated you like GOLD but apparently you're a hater. on me. and all my data has been lost. thanks a lot, trusty computer. :(

dear choir: i miss you. oh-so-very much. especially at this time in the year. ...and especially as i'm sitting listening to the sectional happening in the room next to me. guess that doesn't help.

dear motivation: where did you go? i'm still blogging....

dear sickness: i feel you hiding there in the depths of my system. you think you can mess with me? i will freaking take. you. down. so don't you dare.

dear headache: i know you're teaming up with sickness. but i wouldn't go there if i were you.

dear jamba: thanks for double-teaming to combat headache and sickness. this is a good strategy; let's implement it more often.

...

dear blonde girl that just walked past with a side ponytail and a harry potter scar on your forehead: bravo.

something good

to quote my facebook status from yesterday: well. i had forgotten what only 2 hours of sleep per night felt like. BUT -- it wasn't til last night that i found out again! usually my sleep deprivation level is much higher at this point in the semester...i'm proud of myself. :)

okay...random picture time! i took these "self-portraits" while waiting to help my brother with a photoshoot a couple weeks ago. i love fall.

and now, i just felt like posting.  i don't have any art or new york posts completely ready, ssssoo, i'll just open up my brain and write whatever i find.

...

every week/day/hour, i'm slammed with one of the following, or similar:

awesome inspiration ---> intense frustration.

potential breakthrough ---> sudden discouragement. 

wonderful tender mercies ---> confusing loneliness.
such a roller coaster. 

but the cool thing about all of this, is that i'm not alone. the more i talk to others and hear about their circumstances, the more i realize how human it is to feel those things. and, the more i realize how much we can help each other through them. i remember a couple weeks ago in church, my stake president saying something like this:

"[regarding serving and reaching out to others--] ...being busy, focusing on our problems, observing our weaknesses, listening to our fears, etc are NOT a valid excuse to try to 'fit it in'. NO! [fist to pulpit!] the way OUT of our fears and sickness and busy-ness is to get outside ourselves, hearken to the call [to help others around us] and get to work!"

...and then the next week, another gal in church said something like this:

"the only way to get out of our darkness is to go to work and serve others. when there is too much drama going on in my life, i realize there is too much of ME in my life."

what a simple solution, right?  ...but really-- it is.

mosiah 2:17

the other side

i have  a lot of posts written, but my camera card still isn't reading on my computer! i'll have to check to see if i can get a card reader from a store here (i tragically left mine at home).

just wanted to share a somewhat sobering experience real quick, that happened on the subway yesterday. i wrote about it in my little travel journal immediately after:
...

after a bunch of transfers, i got settled onto the F-train headed to brett's. immediately after i got in, a skinny man in a blue shirt and jeans came and stood directly in front of me, but perpendicular to my direction (facing the general car). he started talking to all of us in his thick new york accent:

he said that he wasn't one for begging for money. he prefaced his speech with something about how this is new york and people begging for money have corrupted new york as they just buy alcohol with their little money. he said that he doesn't do drugs (and repeated this statement multiple times). "if any of you have any extra food, though, anything, i would be so appreciative. you see, the YMCA doesn't include food. if i can round up $27, that's a full bed & breakfast. but really, any food or anything would be so appreciated." 

he said more than this, but it was all so sudden and unexpected that i can't even remember it all. he held with him a sign that explained his situation and a small paper sack, looking close to empty.

at the end of his plea, a man across from me gave him a small bag of nuts or something, and the petitioner looked so thankful and expressed his gratitude. he then looked over at me and we locked eyes for a second, as i was the only other one rummaging in my bag - - - but i felt like he didn't want to pressure me so he looked away, thanked everyone (though he only got one item), and exited.

please don't tell me that he was probably a schemer or to ignore this because it'll happen all the time (it already has); regardless of my happy, middle-class upbringing, i'm not ignorant. but i just felt that this man was truly sincere. even if he wasn't, how sad to be in a situation have to beg like that...?

as he left, i was sad to realize i did have a small water bottle, and also sad he left before i could offer it up.

so, i gave him what i could: a small but heartfelt prayer to God that if this man's heart and intentions were pure, he'd find what he needs.

...

the streets of new york are filled with apparent beggars and people who are less fortunate. there are people all over the world who struggle. i've passed many people on the street in similar situations. one yesterday struck me: a girl sat with a sign reading, "homeless, poor, and pregnant, please help". tonight i saw a man in the park struggling with tons of plastic to recycle, just to make some money. so many people struggle and i don't often see this in my home state.  so, if you're religious (or even if you're not), could you maybe stop today, right now - - for about a minute and say a prayer for them? it just might help.

nope. this isn't the tally hall post, nor an art class post (as customary at each semester's end).
i'm still doing finals.

...and preparing for our annual Christmas caroling party tomorrow (you're invited- 4pm) and preparing a relief society lesson (on music!).

just thought i'd share this lovely little quote i recently discovered.

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

{Friedrich Nietzsche}

{painting by jack vettriano}

change something?

contrary to possible belief, i'm still alive. barely. and i have SO much to write about. later. this semester, school decided to take over my life.

no, really. my. entire. life.

true story.

it's actually been a pretty rough few weeks. sickness, stress, and frustration has somehow sneaked their nasty little selves into my life (and they won't leave me alone, the meanies). however, i just have to keep remembering this:


however, at times i want to just punch something (thing, not someone) just to get the energy of frustration out, then move on. and i think that occasionally, that's okay too. i guess that's what running is for. :]

ps, i found the image on the website of a company who e-mailed me, asking me to apply to be one of their networked freelance graphic designers......??

quirky art musings

i don't know if it's just my personality or if it's my artsy-ness coming out, but sometimes i catch myself thinking total art-nerd things and decided to write them down in my sketchbook. i've posted a few, for your pleasure.

constantly noticing how people's outfits match their surroundings.

looking at the moon and apart from admiring its beauty, accidentally wondering what kind of a gaussian blur would be used to create that effect in photoshop.

constantly noticing how my outfit matches my surroundings...as unconventional as they might be: coming out of the bathroom the other day, i looked in the mirror and thought, 'hey! the color of the new stall doors, and the wall, and my outfit all look really good together! I should take a picture!!' honestly. who thinks that?!

looking at the sky and wondering how i would mix the colors and blend the clouds evenly if i were to paint it.

getting so distracted with determining what font a temporary license plate was scripted in, that i didn't even notice it was a flashy new little BMW until i looked a second time (after figuring out the font).

going back into the bathroom later and actually taking the picture.

i know, i know. i really am an art-nerd.


ps, the font on the BMW was 'mistral'. i double-checked. :)

11 lessons learned from "UP"

i am an avid pixar fan. pixar is kind of what drives me to be an animator sometimes. as i watched their newest film "Up"...4 times...i realized that there are a lot of "grown-up" lessons to be learned.

here are some little golden bits of wisdom i took from it:
1. there's something to be said about 'true love'. it's worth waiting for.
2. never stop dreaming.
3. never give up hope in trying to accomplish a goal.
4. i hate squirrels...
5. friends are true no matter what. they don't judge.
6. draw on your walls.
7. sometimes, if you just open your eyes and look for it, you're in the middle of an adventure.
8. POINT!!! (see above image)
9. through disappointments, we can see more clearly.
10. appreciate the past, live in the present, look forward to the future. cherish them all!
11."sometimes, the boring things are the things we remember most."

what did you learn?