sowing and reaping and all that jazz

this past sunday in church, two of the talks were on talents. i thought that was kind of cool. they said good stuff; i paid attention, took notes on my feelings and kinda nodded in approval at the end.

i went to sunday school where the lesson, though not planned with the previous meeting, was also on talents. perhaps it was because the talks primed me, but something in that lesson really resonated with me right away. maybe because it was because sunday school is a smaller class where we can really talk about application of such concepts.

my friend katherine was teaching, and she asked some good questions that we discussed, and two really stuck out to me: what are my talents? ...like, really? i think we all sort of know our talents but until we vocalize them to ourselves, i think a lot of them can go unnoticed. after all, many of the most valuable talents are silent ones. and, what makes it hard to recognize and develop more talents? man, i had fun thinking about this one. there were some phenomenal answers and it really made me think. i won't share the answers here, so that you can come up with your own. you and i can discuss them some other time if you'd like. or you can leave a comment. or whatever.

katherine was teaching out of the gospel principles manual and in there, it lists six steps to developing new talents.

1. discover (pray to learn about our talents)
2. willing (to spend time and effort to develop the talent we seek)
3. faith (faith that God will help us and faith in ourselves)
4. skills (learn necessary skills. can take a class, ask a friend, read a book, etc)
5. practice ("the mastery of a talent must be earned")
6. share ("it is by using our talents that they grow." matt 25:29)

[those principles and direct quotes came from the gospel principles manual]

after we discussed this, she handed out stickie notes and had us all take at least six of them. on each stickie, we wrote these steps and then how we'd apply them in accordance with a talent that we want to learn.

one of my favorite things katherine said was, "our weaknesses can put us in a position to develop a new talent."

after debating for a while about all the talents i want to cultivate, i decided on one that would help the rest: time management. 

as you can tell from here and here, i really struggle with it. in fact, i'm pretty terrible. so i decided i'll let you know my thoughts and such and become accountable to whoever reads this.

i'm out of the the time i have allotted to myself to write. so, i'll continue this when i have more time. (look! i'm doing it! time management and stuff!) 

til then, do you actively seek talents? what are some you're trying to cultivate? i'm honestly curious because 1. i want to know that i'm not alone in talent-seeking and 2. i want to add talents to my talents-to-gain list. :) it's interesting to see what others are working on. 

mute comprehension

i have experienced some incredibly difficult types of pain over the last week.
pain that is deep, but comparatively muted in its intensity.

maybe i'll explain later and maybe not, but what i feel the need to communicate at this time is that amidst all of that,
i'm okay.

because, in the end, things work out.
and there are lots of ends and lots of beginnings.
and sometimes it's hard to know which are which.
which is also okay, because i think beginnings and endings are often the same thing:
stories continue.

--

growth inevitably takes pain.

it's amazing how i always seem to forget that sometimes, running away from the wave is more exhausting than just turning around and facing it.

if we let waves wash over us, sometimes they can cleanse.

--

and as cliche as it is, every day is a new day.

we can start becoming who we want to be right now.
there is no minimum requirement for any of our goals.

we can start improving anything from wherever we find it.

--

these thoughts are simple, but i was reminded of their importance today,
through yoga, running, journal writing, music and reading a heartfelt email.

brown tassel

there are reasons i haven't had a chance to post this yet, but i figure that i'd let you know that this happened last thursday and friday (august 10 and 11). well, kind of.

i still have my final art show to do, which is like, the biggest project i've ever had to create. no big deal. and i'm still kind of in the beginning phases and it's gonna go up in november (read: freak out).

but...i'm almost there. :)

grownupdates

ok. so i have approximately one bajillion posts (maybe 20?) that are in various forms of publication. some are almost there, some have been abandoned halfway, others need to be written. 

i don't really know where to start, so i'll use this one to break the ice and we'll see where it goes, shall we?

let's start with current events.

so...i'm back from italy. 

hey there!

i can't really sum up the experience i had there in one post, so i'll just leave that information with the promise of italy-inspired posts (and photos!) to come. 

since i've been back, i've finished editing two sets of photos that i shot for two different weddings, as well as completed a huge project at work. again, hopefully i'll get around to posting those in their respective places, and you'll hear about it.

oh, and i'm also kind of fake-graduating this coming friday. 

fake, because i still have to do my final art show before i can legitimately receive a diploma proving my 5-some years of university life. so that'll come in december. 

but i just picked up my cap and gown, so i guess it's sort of official? 

----

as i was walking to my car after picking up my cap and gown, i had a couple ideas go through my head.

i realized that i sort of have a paradoxical complex.

being a grown-up is hard for me.

here's the thing:

i latch on to intellectual concepts and ideas easily. i crave intellectual conversation and revel in stimulating new concepts and ideas. these ideas don't have to be about anything in particular; they could range from interpersonal relationships to intense gospel concepts to physiology/anatomy to psychology/sociology to the wave particle duality theory (ooooh, that was a good conversation...) and so on. those are some of my favorites, by the way.

i love solving life problems and teaching others and feeling comfortable in a stimulating conversation. over the past couple of years, i've become pretty analytical, which is a trait i don't think i've always had.

but as far as the practicality of "growing up" -- i realized that i'm going to have to actually work at that. for me, that's not going to come as naturally as i think it should, because if so, i think i'd already be better in that area than i am now. at least, it's not coming as naturally as the theoretical practice i just mentioned.

if i had the practicality of "growing up" down, i would not be typing this from a bedroom floor on which i have to make space. if i were "grown up" in some practical sense, i'd take better care of my car and i wouldn't have to fight to pay attention to the responsibilities i have with it. i would manage my time and i'd stop trying to prioritize everything at the same level. i'd stop attempting to skirt reality with my idealistic tendencies and i'd stop expecting people to act how i feel they should. financially, i'd probably have gained credit by now, and i'd probably keep better track of my money. i'd probably know more than a thing or two about cooking.

i'd probably be doing a lot of things differently.

and i'm realizing that to get these particular things, i'm going to have to go at them one at a time, purposefully and consciously.

now, to those of you who have all those things down: bravo.
and to those who are shaking their head in strict reprimand, i say, it is what it is. i'm just being honest.
and to those who are rapidly scrolling past this to click the "comment" button to reassure me that i'm just fine, i really appreciate you, but -- chill.

i feel like i am okay. i'm growing and progressing at my own rate. we all do. eventually i'll be able to understand and do lots more things, even if i think i should have "grown up" faster and in different ways than i have now. i also recognize that different parts of our lives are for different stages of growth. maybe some day i'll be able to manage a credit card and remember to get my car oil and lubed and figure out what i'm doing with my career, but maybe i'll lose some of the intellectual growth that i've become so accustomed to in the past year. it all ebbs and flows.

and the cool thing is, everything becomes a part of us. so hopefully i'll take that growth and those theories and apply it practically. it's a balancing act for sure, but we learn to juggle all sorts of priorities and thoughts and tasks and relationships.

so in some ways, i'll never grow up.
i hope i'll never stop being wide-eyed at things that really impress me. i hope i always love reading childrens' books, even if i don't have kids. i hope i never get too embarrassed to be goofy, when it's appropriate.

and in other ways, i desperately hope i'll grow up. in fact, the whole point is: i'll have to make it happen. things like being more organized, learning to cook, managing money, being more politically savvy, etc -- are things that i control. i also control my priorities and my time.

but it's gonna take some time.
speaking of which, i'm late for an appointment, so if you'll excuse me....

good thing i hear there's life after college.

greetings from venice

it was probably very unfair that i ask you all this advice for italy and then don't even say thank you or tell you about it! bottom line? 1. thank you. SO much! and 2. i got here. about a week ago, actually.

i have loved it! just wanted to stop by and check in. i doubt i'll get to blog any more while i'm here (maybe) but i'll definitely catch up (maybe i'll cheat and post-date stuff) when i get back to the states. til then, here's a photo from earlier tonight:

don't worry about it. i'm just chilling on a bridge in venice, thus proving i'm in italy.

silly, i know. anyway. thanks for being awesome, dear reader friend. now excuse me, while i run to sneak some food into our [totally amazing palace-looking venetian yet in the middle of the legitimate ghetto] hotel room.

va, pensiero

i just realized that i need to tell you something.

in a week from today, i'll be on a flight to rome!

Source: thisperspective.tumblr.com via Kristin on Pinterest

i'm headed to meet my brother there and then we're headed for a two-week backpacking adventure through italy and france.

we're planning on going to rome, then up through tuscany to see those lovely towns, and then headed to the cinque terre (!!!!), then over to venice. from venice we'll head to paris and end up there.

this was a trip that we planned when i was 16, but we never did it. but now's the time. we're gonna make it happen.

i'm suuuuper excited, even though that's a lot to pack in to two weeks. i know that i can't see everything, but if you have advice for sights/experiences in those places, please leave a comment! or just europe advice in general. or advice on how to pack light?! orrr just life advice. whatever you'd like. i was so appreciative when i got all of your NY advice and i loved hearing everyone's experiences.

in one week.
seven days.
perhaps i should think about packing?

quiet place

i've mentioned before that i have had a bout with achilles tendinitis for the last few years.
now it seems that the rest of my body is following suit.
so, i decided to try a different route.
i've been seeing a muscle therapist for the last month.

it's interesting because he's takes more of a holistic approach.
he noted that:
i have tendinitis because one leg was shorter than the other,
so then my knee compensated,
then my right hip compensated,
then my back compensated.

so i've been treating the symptoms without treating the root of the problem.
i've been doing physical therapy, but without the muscles actually being in the right place in my body,
that's kind of like a band-aid rather than a cure.

the massage-esque treatment has been super painful, but i know it's worth it.
slowly, i feel my body becoming aligned again.

because our bodies are obviously affected with how we live our lives,
my muscle therapist asks me a lot about my personal life.
i don't tell him a ton of details, but he helps me understand how i deal with things
and in turn, how that affects my body.

did you know that the right side of your body is logic, and the left is emotional?
so i can tell where my stress is coming from based on which side of my body is more tense.

after both of the first two sessions, he asked me,
"are you a robot?"
"...no..?" i responded both times, both about like that.
"then don't walk like one!"

i've had to re-learn how to walk.
i've had to reset something i've been doing my whole life.

after the third session, he asked, "are you a train?"
"no."
i said it confidently this time, but with a hint of "?" apparent in my face.
"why?"
shoot. i wasn't sure how to respond.
"because a train must remain on its track. you, on the other hand, can move right or left. when you go to europe, if you plan on staying for two days in an area, but then you decide to stay another day, do it! that's okay. you are can go wherever you want. trains cannot."

i knew he wasn't just talking about physically, now.
i started to see what he meant.

today, he told me,
"make sure you keep hold of the stress out in front of you. don't let it consume you. i know that sometimes you can't help it, and it just comes over you [his hands motioned like a wave was washing over his head], but try to take hold of it and keep it in front of you rather than letting it become a part of you." he motioned as if he were grasping someone by the shoulders and holding them about two feet in front of him.

my pulsating headache has been my constant companion today.
so i liked that idea.