despedidas rotos

it's been a while.

too long.

first of all, you should know that i'm writing to you from my little kitchen in mexico.

yes, mexico.
i moved here three months ago sort of on a whim, to teach kids english.

the thing is though, this is the last night i will sit in this kitchen and still claim it as "mine".

in 3.5 hours, at...3:30am, i will walk out of this apartment door and start my journey home.

yes, that place.
in the united states.
my "real" home.

the thing is, this place seems like another home.
i've felt this way before -- last time it was this strong was when i lived in new york.

leaving there was hard because i missed a lot of the culture, the art, the atmosphere, my independence, my sense of importance and purpose, the connections i was making in the art world. at least i think so.

leaving here is different.


usually, places are very important to me.
i tend to attach emotion to physical location, and i usually let myself do that as long as it doesn't get unhealthy.
new york was a lot of that for me.
and when i went back to visit, it was so wonderful to see so many familiar locations.

but here in my pachuca?
here it was all of that....plus people.
so many people.
so many people to love.
so many people i let myself love,
with the hope that someday they would know how much they mean to me.

so today when i walked out of the school, it didn't really bother me that i didn't get to say goodbye to the classrooms i've taught in for 3 months or see them one last time. it wasn't physical location this time.


i've made many friends here.
the missionaries, especially elder gomez and three of his companions in our time here,
the ward members, the faculty at the school, the director and his wife who were like our parents, and especially 47 specific people.

47 other smaller, shorter, clever, sensitive, funny, bright, charming, curious, playful, wonderful people.
all under the age of 9.

and those are the people, perhaps, who make me want to spend more time here in mexico. they're not even quite "people" yet. son niños.

los niños que robaron mi corazón.


today was our final performance with the school. we were asked to make our part of the program 30 minutes, and we filled it all with singing because what better way to show what they'd learned plus bring the Christmas spirit?

and then after....after. that was filled with gifts, hugs, tears, and good-byes.
lots of broken goodbyes.

me gustaría tener las palabras para expresar mis sentimientos cerca los niños, la gente y mi experiencia en méxico.

but i didn't have the right words. i don't even know if i would have the right words in english. i just pray that someday, these people will realize how much they mean to me.

para siempre Dios esté con vos hasta nos vemos otra vez.

1 comment:

--jeff * said...

this is so simple and honest.
no ornamentation or flair, just purity.

and i #like this.
it's wonderful.
and so simple yet it says so much.

thank you for sharing how much this has meant to you. or at least, sharing a small glimpse of what it means to you.