see the lovely.

as i alluded in my last post, this has uncharacteristically been a really hard year for me to "feel" Christmas.

this morning, i woke up feeling a bit sick and was running extremely late to work. but as i drove, i saw a lady on the side of the road with a sign that said "tamales, $1" on it.

i thought to myself, ah, i wish i could but i'm already running so late... then i realized that i might not see her again, as i'd usually already be at work by that time. and then it struck me what that thought implied: i was in my car. was on my way to work. to sit in a comfy (and might i add, bouncy) chair in a nicely heated room in front of an expensive computer to make a decent chunk of money by designing cool-looking things.

i abruptly turned left onto a side road. i pulled over and checked my wallet. the only cash i had was my $2 bill. i felt like it would be kind of odd, giving her a $2 bill... shoot, i thought, well maybe i can get some cash and come by again when i don't work on friday....

so i pulled out to turn left to continue to work, when it donned on me -- duh, kristin. a $2 bill is still legitimate money. i turned right and pulled into the street next to where she was standing. as i approached her, she saw me and turned, putting her sign down. she was a sweet, tiny lady with a pure face.

as we greeted each other, her face honestly just completely lit up. i couldn't believe how happy she was that i was buying one little tamale. she had a happy, almost singsongy voice, with an innocent little girl quality. she spoke to me in spanish, which i understood, as i pulled out my 3 years of rusty high school spanish from the back of my brain in an attempted response. regardless, it didn't matter what language we spoke -- we didn't need to communicate with words to make each other's day. i bought my tamale, explaining that i needed no change, thanked her, and we parted.

***

right before i saw her, i had passed a cement barrier on the side of the road, where someone had pinned a series of pieces of paper in a line. on each paper there was a letter. the letters created the simple phrase "see the lovely."

right as i drove away, "where are you Christmas" came on the radio. yeah, it can be pretty overdone, but this time i think i heard it differently. i couldn't believe that i had tears in my eyes, but it was because that song embodied exactly just how i've been feeling this season. and then i paid attention to the last verse. and in the light of the experience i just had……

yeah.

all i need

just checking in...i'm still alive. halfway through finals. probable all-nighters still to come.

and remember this post? well, it sort of happened again tonight.

i've been injured over and over and not been able to run well lately. until tonight. when my sanity demanded it more than my physical health.


...
angst with those that angst.
and, when you can, go for a really good run.

props to 2009. you were pretty great.

{note: success! i have fixed the majority of the photos so you can now click them and they will enlarge! i'll fix the rest later :D}

january:: started the new year by playing rock band for the first time with my awesome coworkers, went to bodyworlds with jeff (i'd been once before and time #2 was awesome), discovered a new favorite town (midway), and took my first wedding reception photos-- kyle and kilene (still aren't all edited. um...), learn that i have pretty cool friends.
february:: attend byu's synthesis with guest guitarist anthony wilson, receive ORCA grant, classes start to get intense and awesome, start dating zach, start to learn how to take risksmarch:: make second annual appearance as dr seuss' thing 2 with matthew and ryan for elementary school kiddos, sing for Catholic church's irish celebration, sing with 3 friends for mom's entire elementary school and become country rock stars to them, proclaim ourselves as country rock stars and take photos, niece jordan gets baptized, decline ORCA after much deliberation, turn 21! and learn that kids can teach us a lot more than we can teach them

april:: get accepted into byu's illustration BFA program, finals (ugh), my favorite tree ever dies and it is truly tragic, go to LDS conference (goood seats!), start spring semester and learn to appreciate my home and the value of hard work

may:: zach goes to korea and japan for 3 weeks with the byu wind symphony, i roadtrip to idaho with my sisters (!) (i still haven't received photos from this), various sketchisodes and sketchventures, heidi moves to AZ and i'm released from presidency (sadface), celebrate mother's day and mom's birthday, learn that friendships can be strengthened from a distance...which is pretty cool.

june:: go to ER from an allergic reaction to a bug bite (i just paid yet another bill from this just yesterday), re-discover my love of outdoor theater, mom gets knee surgery, i take care of her and give her shots in the stomach to prevent blood clots, i grow up a lot, zach gets swine flu, i get called to be sunday school teacher, i learn lots of hard life things, strengthen my faith and take on heightened responsibility

july:: zach and i take my adorable nieces and nephews to see hot air balloons, i donate shoes to africa, i take photos for christa's wedding--20 gigs of memory, i take haynie family photos, i take becky slinker carroll's photos, zach + danielle + jade + i perform in the ballet 'pioneer legacy'--making up about half of the 'choir', i learn business aspects of photography (money, process, etc) by way of my own initial ignorance and realize i really miss performing

august:: daddy/daughter date at one of my favorite places, buy new running shoes, start to run again, adventures in park city, camping & jet skiing with zach + tricia + logan, learn to appreciate my body and realize adventure can be had anywhere when one seeks for it

september:: get excused from jury duty (again), school starts, sister comes to visit from idaho, released from sunday school teacher and called as relief society teacher, darling visits and we have traditional breakfast at kneaders, learn to accept things as they come even if they don't fit into my "plan"

october:: ward camp-out, alpine loop, vending machine show, opera: 'tales of hoffmann' [zach played in the pit. i watched the opera and loved it], haunted gingerbread houses for fhe, homecoming parade, i was partly in charge of BYUIA halloween party at bob barrett's house, visit mom's classroom, another niece gets baptized...on halloween (i convince mom and sister to be whos from whoville with me!). i am reminded to appreciate the subtle beauties of life and learn be a better leader and planner

november:: get sick as a dog (4th time this semester), attend they might be giants and regina spektor concerts on the same night, celebrate mickey mouse's birthday with chocolate mint cake and ice cream in my gesture drawing class, double family reunion in arizona for thanksgiving, sister and i get lost multiple times driving there and back, bond with siblings by performing two songs for talent show (i played guitar with my brother alan and we all sang, then just robin and i sang, with al's help and my guitar!), i get very sick in hotel at reunion, i am reminded how amazing my family is and remember how blessed i am to have them

december:: jon foster comes and i get to go to breakfast with him and 2 other students and brother hull, jon foster lectures and all socks in attendance are rocked, i get to have lunch with tally hall, i attend two tally hall concerts in one day (blogs are already written and will be published as soon as i can get the pictures all posted: stay tuned), jeff's annual Christmas muppet + egg nog party [i decorate a cookie to match my shirt], finals just about kill me, annual Christmas caroling party, festivus 5, Christmas with family + family and friend parties, zach and i throw successful beatles rock band/ping-pong/pool table/apples to apples/wii party (stay tuned for the next one! everyone's always invited), zach + danielle + i attend provo's first night and then with brittany have dang good fizzy bubbler and hot chocolate. i start to learn to balance.

and so, the year ends the same way it started: rock band. :] but more importantly, i've changed. i think i've grown up a lot this year through facing a lot (a LOT) of difficult decisions. there are still lots to come and i'm still learning. i think i've grown closer to my family. i've made wonderful new friends and reconnected with old ones. i've lost opportunities and gained other ones. all in all, i'm a work in progress.

as a shout-out to the new year, written on january 1....

dear 2010, i almost cut my hair and donated it today to celebrate you...but decided to buy a shirt instead. it was safer. welcome, anyway.