february 29th is a fake day

and here's why.

me: hey today. i have an extreme headache and more work to do than i have time for. i don't know how i'mma get it all done.

today: ....

me: what, you're not gonna fight me on this?

today: ....

me: erm...this is unsettling. k, i'm just gonna start then....

today: [vaguely nods]

me: *makes a fancy to-do list, works with incredible focus that i don't hardly ever remember feeling (EVER), completes last paper for block class and sends it, finds some awesome listen-while-i-work bands, reads professor's complimentary notes on my papers, headache slumps off sometime in there, finds evidence to support thesis and gets most of research paper written, looks up, blinks, and rubs eyes.*

me: WHAT.

today: [giggle] happy fake day.

me: WHAT.



dear diary, it's 4:08-ish a.m.

you'll have to right-click, and "open image in new tab" to read. sorry for the extra work...but i put extra work into it (got a flikr pro account and everything!).  cuz i think you might like it. i really do. i know the handwriting's sloppy (i picked up the pen and literally wrote as fast as i could and only put it down when i was done). and i only had my point-n-shoot nearby, so i hope you can read it.  


just another day

dear keane: WELCOME back into my life.

dear morning sky: you are beautiful beyond all reason, insomuch that i walked the long way to work (any my lungs paid for it in the cold). i think you owe me.

dear mountains: why are you so tantalizingly close, yet so far away?

dear sick: i feel like we've been over this. i need you to cease and desist, so that i can climb mountains and sing to keane. like, immediately.

dear kanani: thanks for making this happen, because it really saved my day.

dear writing: i wish that everything you say wouldn't need to be said. it's exhausting to put things in black and white sometimes.

dear temple: you are always a good idea.

dear adventure: please, come find me and whisk me away. soon.



messy hair

{lovely quote + typography via pinterest}

first off, forgive the emo-myspacey picture. i'm just finishing work and was curious to see how my hair ended up today (meh). but when the photobooth snapped the picture, it blew out all the details of my face. but when you're looking at hair, who needs details anyway, right?

my hair today... i was going to do it. had every intention. i was in a hoodie and pajama pants from 6:45am til 10:30am at home, but being incredibly productive. i had an english research proposal due at noon and after slaving away my entire saturday on it, got up bright and early to finish today. luckily, i got it done.

i still had tons of other stuff to do, so i hurried around printing stuff, gathering stuff, eating...stuff. and stuff. eventually burst into the bathroom to pull my hair up into a quick ponytail (it's about 2 inches long these days!). looked in the mirror. cocked my head and furrowed my brow. cocked my head the other way. (no, really. i did.)

then, i bent over, took both hands and just scrubbed through my hair as much as i could stood upright and looked again. "that'll work." i thought. sprayed it a tad. done.

and even if it didn't work, ...meh.

it calmed down throughout the day, shown above. but tomorrow i'll wake up and it'll likely be crazy again. or maybe it'll be super flat when i want it to be crazy. it kind of does its own thing these days.

so yeah. current hair = current life. you can figure it out.

and some day, i'll get a hair cut. but til then, well. this is just gonna have to do.


up with the birds

preface: i got out of class early and walked to my car. the overcast sky was a bit chilly and sprinkled a bit of rain. but as i drove, the sky got brighter in its overcast state. as i neared my home, admiring the valley from that one view, coldplay came on my iPod singing this song. i could tell it was going to be a longer drive home than i'd originally intended. and i was perfectly fine with that.

i drove to a road where i could better view the sun and west sky, playing that song over and over. the following is the stream of consciousness which resulted.

4:40ish pm--

currently i've pulled over on the side of the road just to sit here and type. i'm situated in the passenger's side of the car, because i have a better view and there's no steering wheel for my laptop to fight.

here's why.

obviously, it's been a hard few weeks for me. but i'm learning that amidst trials, to not stifle the sunshine spots that come along the way. 


because here's what i'm experiencing from inside my car (in the order of which i'm noticing them from this point on): 

raindrops on the windshield and windows 
fog on the windows, thanks to my malfunctioning defroster
a hilly road ahead
an orchard on the left
with the skeleton of an old barn
an old neighborhood on the right

and chris martin is crooning "everything's not lost".

the driver's side window is down; i smell rain. walking to my car about half an hour ago, i discovered my new favorite smell: rain and campfire smoke. it wafted by only briefly, a moment or two; that's all it took. done. new favorite.

the air is slightly cool and completely clear. still smells of fresh rain. it's perfect. 

a guy just passed me on his run. he has huge headphones; i wonder what he's listening to. 
good for him! gosh, what i wouldn't give to go running right now. 

the sun is thinking about setting. but not yet. it's stunning. it's in the southwestern sky, completely diffused by clouds, however still super white and completely radiant. white light, not yellow. makes me wonder if this is a similar light quality as in joseph's vision. there are no traces of the mountains -- the mist completely covers them. for all i know, it's the inversion, but it's beautiful and i honestly don't care. it feels so fresh here.  

the gradient in the valley is super subtle: a beautiful light blue into gray into white and there are some yellowish tones above; the warms mixing with cools make it exquisite. 

cars pass here and there. it's nice to listen to them come and go. 

i love how the bare trees of this orchard across the way look: so stark and sharp, backdropped against the silky smooth sky. 

"life in technicolor"…love this song. brings back happy memories.

sun just broke through the clouds and now it's in my eyes. i'm not moving. nope, not one bit. i love the feel of sun on my face, even if it's direct sunlight.

this documentation doesn't do justice to any of this, but it's the only way i can share it, since no one is here to share it with me. which usually feels a little bittersweet. but gratefully, not as much this time. 

oh, coldplay….

it's interesting to feel the sun dim and re-light my face. 
speaking of my face, i just noticed its reflection on my computer screen; I didn't realize i'm half-smiling. a smirk, kind of. this is just a really nice place to be. 

yes. this one. 

the sun is back to being radiant and bright, creating an amazing looking rim-light on the bare trees. 
my fingers are cold. coldish. but it feels good and i like the clicking sound of typing, juxtaposed with the cars passing, the music playing, and the feel of the bass on the ground for my feet to enjoy.

aaand the perfect song to end my documentation by….

"a rainy day comes round, sometimes i just want it to slow down…"

anyway. wish you were here. 

as i pulled in my driveway, i looked up and saw one single bird silhouetted on the wire against the deep blue sky above my house to greet me. thinking of the original song i'd heard that propelled me to drive on, i grinned and thought this rather fitting to end my little afternoon jaunt. 



i try not to make a habit of straight-up complaining on my blog. and usually when i'm upset, it's obvious, but buffered by obscurity in interesting metaphors or conclusions i've found to cope. but not this time. 

i had a 4-hour long talk with a really good friend today. it was wonderful and amazingly insightful, but hard and exhausting for us both. i think good things will come of it.

and tonight, i...

wrote some incredibly hard, very honest emails to two very dear friends.

read an email.

listened to a song.

 a lot.

wished i were elsewhere
or that i could run away.

but reminded myself things will work out 
...and now i'm working on believing it.


me in 185 words

for my english 311 class, we had to write a "me in 100 words" essay to read aloud on the second day of class. i accidentally typed "200 words" when making a note of the assignment. luckily, we started on the other side of the room so by the time it got to me (the last one) i had it edited down to a nice, concise 100 word essay. however, my teacher said that if i chose to revise it again, i could revise either. so now i have a 100-, 200- and 185-word essay. i'm not completely satisfied with the latter, which i turned in, but it's post-able: 

Chocolate Over Fruit

I am a fast-walking paradox, who enjoys walking slowly.

I love illustration, animation, graphic design, and photography. Though I study these, my artistic sanity comes through music, dance and writing.

I’m an avid procrastinator and recovering perfectionist, both hopefully temporary. I tend to start projects a few nights before they’re due, yet demand perfection of their outcome. It sometimes works.

A defiant part of me lives life as an action movie. I am often racing from classes to concerts to parties to appointments, always arriving a little after the nick of time, with theme music playing in my head.

Another equally defiant part of me is a 7-year old princess. I secretly dance alone in my living room and will find any excuse to wear a fancy dress. Some would call me old-fashioned.

My personality and adventures lie somewhere between hometown Provo and pseudo-second home New York, as well as through the people in my life.

I value health and humor. I prefer wit to slapstick and running over swimming. Hypocritically, when it comes to frozen yogurt, I’d take chocolate almost any day over fruit.


takin' care of business

first off, it's groundhog day and google didn't acknowledge it. isn't that odd?

secondly, tally hall in the morning = automatic good mood.

thirdly, i have artwork showing in the sketchbook show in the 4th floor of the hfac. more info on that later. in theory. also, the opening for the illustrators' showcase is tomorrow from 6-9pm. i also have some work there. but you should come to see everyone's work -- i have some pretty great peers.

lastly, i have two items of related business from this morning.

number one: this.

number two: this text exchange --

me: that awkward moment in the hall after you've taken a bite of food then try to mouth-closed smile to acknowledge a passer-by.

mariah: similarly, that awkward moment when a boy asks your name just as you shove a big cookie in your mouth then he stares at you while you chew quickly so you can answer.

[and that was all that was said about it]

conclusion: i really like my friends.

and i'm ever so slightly peeved that google didn't remind me that it was groundhog day. i need to properly celebrate these things, you know....

oh. and i love the picture above. i wish i'd have taken it, but i didn't. it's one of the few chalk-person photos that actually works. and it kinda makes me giggle. it's unrelated, like everything else in this post.

mmkay, that's all.