something good

to quote my facebook status from yesterday: well. i had forgotten what only 2 hours of sleep per night felt like. BUT -- it wasn't til last night that i found out again! usually my sleep deprivation level is much higher at this point in the semester...i'm proud of myself. :)

okay...random picture time! i took these "self-portraits" while waiting to help my brother with a photoshoot a couple weeks ago. i love fall.

and now, i just felt like posting.  i don't have any art or new york posts completely ready, ssssoo, i'll just open up my brain and write whatever i find.

...

every week/day/hour, i'm slammed with one of the following, or similar:

awesome inspiration ---> intense frustration.

potential breakthrough ---> sudden discouragement. 

wonderful tender mercies ---> confusing loneliness.
such a roller coaster. 

but the cool thing about all of this, is that i'm not alone. the more i talk to others and hear about their circumstances, the more i realize how human it is to feel those things. and, the more i realize how much we can help each other through them. i remember a couple weeks ago in church, my stake president saying something like this:

"[regarding serving and reaching out to others--] ...being busy, focusing on our problems, observing our weaknesses, listening to our fears, etc are NOT a valid excuse to try to 'fit it in'. NO! [fist to pulpit!] the way OUT of our fears and sickness and busy-ness is to get outside ourselves, hearken to the call [to help others around us] and get to work!"

...and then the next week, another gal in church said something like this:

"the only way to get out of our darkness is to go to work and serve others. when there is too much drama going on in my life, i realize there is too much of ME in my life."

what a simple solution, right?  ...but really-- it is.

mosiah 2:17

shoes for africa

30 pairs of shoes.
5 pairs of slippers.
4 pairs of flip-flops.

i really, really like footwear. tendinitis has made me more conscious of what i wear on my feet, and i haven't been wearing a lot of the shoes i own. still, it's hard for me to give them up. so many...memories, i guess. then again, it's hard for me to throw anything away.

tonight, mom showed me a flier that said, "WE DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY, JUST YOUR UNWANTED SHOES". it was an african relief effort and said that "shoes of all sizes and conditions needed!!" (two exclamation marks).

suddenly, i got excited. it was the perfect reason for giving my shoes away. i positioned myself between my 3 shoe racks and got right to work. any time i hesitated in reaching for a pair, thinking, 'i might use these some time' or 'these hold memories' or whatever, the thought hit me: i wear these, what...once? twice a year? and there are people in africa who don't wear shoes. ever. simply because they don't have them. but i do!

with that, i'd grab the shoes and stick them in the bag. i felt pretty happy.

7 pairs later, i had a big white garbage bag filled, and then some. i know 7 isn't a lot, but it's a start.

these specific shoes weren't my cutest (minus one pair) ever, but they were some of the oldest, and brought back good memories. i'd like to introduce you to them, via my favorite memories of each.


a) black flats-- used from 8th grade all the way until college. most remembered for being a part 5 of my 7 years of choir.
b) thick-soled moccasin-looking things. used in various costumes, and learning how to match my shirts with my shoes (a practice that i'm still pretty meticulous about).
c) sturdy hiking-boots- girls camp. memory: we once found a saltwater taffy stuck in a tree along our hiking on some remote trail. i was wearing these. memory #2: jessica barry and i led the hardest hike our last year of camp. all i remember is that it was really really steep. those poor little girls we led.
d) my very first pair of sketchers. once used in my dance-video phase: my sister robin introduced me to her paula abdul dance exercise video and others...these shoes were troopers when i was attempting early 90's dance moves on carpet while busting up laughing every few minutes.
e) my sodas: i liked how they looked when i finally started to find jeans long enough to fit me. started matching brown belts with brown shoes. i guess i like matching.
f) comfy shoes: my roommate steph gave these to me when she was going to throw them out. good for lounging. reminds me of all the good times at cinnamon tree.

of these, my favorites are specimen a: the black flats. i guess my favorite part about them is the fact they were there with me through so many concerts and performances. i really miss singing.

here are other reasons why i liked them so much (besides the square toe):

i really loved making spiral shapes when i'd walk through a puddle or snow to a performance




i loved the fact that i had everyone fooled by re-applying sharpie marker on the tips to keep the warn-out ends looking black







i loved the pink stitching

and here was its vice: the end had come unsewn. an easy fix for someone in the shoe-making business, i'm sure.

so i didn't end up going to ghana like i'd planned this summer. but my shoes will go to africa. :)

scripture + distraction = ?

I was reading my scriptures this morning in 3rd Nephi 11. I love that chapter, so this is the second or third time I've read it this week (which is why I have a weird scripture study pattern). I was reading in the first part of the chapter where God was introducing Christ. God spoke 3 times to the people, and the first two times they hear but don't really understand what He is saying. When they finally understand, "Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased", I'm sure they perked up.

Ironically, during this part, I was still reading but my mind started to drift off somewhere else, thinking of good things (visiting teaching to be exact) but not really comprehending the verses. When I got to that verse, I perked up, too. I read the next verse when Christ starts to descend from the heavens. Suddenly, all my attention was focused and I felt guilty for having skimmed over the first part of the chapter. Once more, I started over.

It got me thinking. How many times do we do that? When we're trying to be focused on the best things, only to get caught up on other things? Not to say that other things are bad; of course not! Logistics of visiting teaching need to be thought out and visiting teaching is very much an important part of the Gospel and our lives. Lots of our distractions are made up of good things.

However, we need to make sure that our first priorities are the best things. God. The Gospel. Family. I wonder, if I were a Nephite, would I have understood God's voice the first time? Or, like when I read about it this morning, would I have been distracted by something that was good but not as important at the present moment?

No wonder patience is required of us. Half the time, we're (excuse me, I can only speak for myself) I am messing up and getting distracted. Most times I don't always get answers in the way I think they should come or in my time frame. Maybe Heavenly Father is testing me to see if I'm really listening, really ready for the answer. Maybe it's just something that I can decide so He lets me. Or maybe sometimes He is trying to talk to me, but I'm just not hearing it, like in 3rd Nephi 11. "Not hearing it" can come in many ways, including not accepting it or not being willing or ready to act on it.

Anyway, this was a nice little experience to remind me to focus on the best things first. The lesser good things can wait. (By the way, that link is one of my favorites- it would be well worth your time to read or re-read that.)

"When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." Ezra Taft Benson sure knew what he was talking about.