questions for you

lots of things are going on in my head these days. in various experiences, i've been trying to separate the concept from the event, to make my choices.
--

in reality, i started this post weeks ago. i've made most the choices in my control, but the concepts have stuck with me. so i listed some of them below, without the stigma of my thoughts. why?

because, dear reader, you're always so good to come here and read my thoughts; this time i'd like to hear yours. and by writing down your thoughts and therefore committing them (just for this time and place; they can always change of course) maybe you can learn something, too? 

 i usually don't lobby for comments but if you have any thoughts about these, please leave a comment. i'm honestly very interested in anything you have to say.

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1 // the dichotomy between being who we are and being who we want to be. similarly, trying to be who we are and being who we think we "should" be, or what our friends / family / peers expect us to be (or already see us as). 

2 // investing in something stable that brings benefits now and potential decent benefits later. or, investing in something unstable now that might potentially bring even better long-term benefits later.

3 // the tension between vulnerability and self-protection. 

4 // the balance of realism and hope. and how much effort to give to both. and how that ties into honesty, especially with yourself.

5 // perfectionism inviting paralysis

6 // where and how to draw the line between pushing ourself hard enough so that we'll grow, and overstepping that point to where we push ourselves too far, which could damage and lead to inhibition rather than growth. (ie, when you work out, you're literally tearing your muscles apart. that's why muscles get bigger; the tissue grows larger on top of the torn areas. but injuries come from pushing too hard, and then you're further away than where you began....)

7 // strengths and weaknesses. and how they tie in with vulnerability and humility and shame.

8 // holding on and letting go.

//photo taken by miss holga, from one of our adventures

consider the daisies

you might know the saying. as jeff reminded me,

don't worry too much about what's happening under it all.
the roots are growing, even if we can't see them.
and too many good things have been ruined because some people can't resist pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing.

but i just can't help but think that sometimes it's hard to tell whether i'm pulling up the daisies or just haphazardly yet faithfully watering them everyday, but without taking thought that water might not be what they need (perhaps they need more sun, or less water, or ...vitamin...water...?)

yeah.

i'm super stoked for general conference this weekend. i have an impossible schedule -- i don't see how i can get everything done in the physical amount of time that i have.

but.

i know that if i put God first, watch conference (four sessions!) and do my best, things will work out. they always do. and if they don't, they're probably not as important as i think they are.

the cool thing is, no matter who you are, there is bound to be something that will help you. and it's so accessible: you can even view it here. one click away to potentially life-changing info.

cool.

i am beyond excited to hear what insights lay in store for us this weekend. i hope it helps my garden situation.

 

first class

from my travel journal-- tuesday, march 15, 2011. i scribbled this down on the plane around 7:35pm. 
between then and now, parts of my life have changed almost drastically while others have somehow stayed almost annoyingly the same. so, for what it's worth posting now, here you go~ 

on the plane. 

slowly starting down the runway. it just stopped.

first class turns out to be awesome. after the pilot and i exchanged a brian regan quote about first class and the lady took my jacket to hang on the coat rack, i noticed the mini water bottles, blankets and pillows. i thought to myself, yeah. this is gonna be a good flight.

i'm somehow sort of glad no one is sitting next to me so i can be solo one last time before i come back to-- the chaos, mess, business, productivity, stress, and responsibility (all good and bad) that is my life --to gather my thoughts and process them alone.

review, remember. looking over the last week and a half (has it only been that long?) is a blur. seems like it's been a lifetime, and here's why: i have quite unintentionally blended together my new york summer and my new york break 9 months later--and somehow stitched them together with lots of different emotions. 

everything in those 9 months between the two trips, i'm scared, will now be stitched together by the daily life i have to look forward to upon coming home, and new york will thus be sewn completely out of my thoughts.

i hope not.

i'm going to fight to keep them there so i can channel some of the life of that, what, 8 week-- experience? and all the inspiration, realization, actualization, growth, wonder, rush, frusration, feeling small, feeling big, and confusion that is MY new york experience.

plane is finally moving again, faster this time. 

no one else can take my experience there away from me or duplicate it; it is mine and mine alone. i feel i handle things better -- i process all that input better there because it was -- is -- my adventure.

plane paused again. yess! -- 

yes? part of me wants to stay; the rest of me knows i have to go back home.

as if it could hear my thoughts -- the plane's engine started its slow rumble and has resumed creeping down the runway....

ugh, why can't i function at home as well as i do in new york? maybe it's the charm, energy and friction of new york that i need to take home with me. others may think -- 8 weeks. c'mon, it's not that long.

no, i suppose not.

but if one moment can change one's life -- and it can -- then i'm pretty sure my 8 weeks so far there have had lots of little moments that have vastly impacted me.

i can hear the engine really rev up. 

it's like, "um...k, kristin. i've given you time to philosophize; now it's time i take you back. you ready? cuzz......eeeveryone else is waiting on you."

yeah. seems to happen a lot in my life lately. sorry, planebuddy...just trying to figure things out before i left this place again. guess, like always, i'll just have to start flying and figure it out on the way. i'm ready....

plane holga (unintentionally creepy)

the plane seems to tease me. only now that i say i'm ready, its heightened sound isn't matching its actual speed. it just rounded a bend, nonchalantly rolling over more of the rocky runway.

still, same speed. for some reason i'm getting anxious to be in the air - the unknown where you can't even see a solid foundation.

just snapped a picture out the window with miss holga. the plane stopped. and now...it's going.

faster, faster.

holding miss holga tight. bumpy. flashing lights. i barely notice i'm in the air when i see the skyline outside the window tilt. i am pushed into the cushy, wide chair as i watch the perfect rows of lights down below get hazy with the clouds that separate us and the city.

peace out, ny. we'll meet again. 

regardless of my feelings, i'm headed home. 


at least i'm coming home first class.

...

ps, sometimes purging my thoughts in such a conceptual manner exhausts me, but it's the way that they come out of my head so effortlessly and seep into my pen and onto my paper. and so, it must be done.

pps. i later discovered warm towels, big pockets in the seats in front of me, nicer pull-out trays, and a full 4-course complimentary meal. didn't get the head of a pig, but in the end, i still felt pretty fantastic about being on the other side of that mysterious first-class curtain. 

fake plastic trees

i was originally going to post this may 16.  instead, i felt like posting them today.  just, you know.  random holga photos. pretty, eh?  though the plants are dry, and they need to drink.

i'm starting to love that camera for more than one reason.