intruder

today was a self-date day. had a really good experience. then i headed up to the sprague branch library; this is the last week of my art show. i hadn't been there to see my art since my opening reception at the beginning of january. i arrived at the room as a meeting was getting out, and i quietly observed as a few people looked at my art. then i followed suit. it's been a while since i've really studied those pieces. the following experience happened and this is how i recorded it in my journal app on my phone--

just checked on my art. it was a weird feeling this time for some reason. like a parent checking on a kid in his college dorm or something.

i picked up the comment book and decided to only read one comment
(i'd read the rest when my show came down)--
it was a pretty negative one.
not terrible...but sort of negative.
so i put the book down. perplexed. it stung a bit.

then i picked it back up again and wrote a note to myself in there.
so i kept my rule, then i added more.

because today, i attempted to look at my art, as best as i could, from the eyes of someone who didn't create it. i figured i was entitled to write my opinion in there, too, even if it was the result of being slightly bruised from someone else's.

sometimes it's nice to make your own rules.

little un-valentines

dear headache: frankly, you were not the valentine i wanted to wake up to this morning. but that was cute of you to try.

dear motivation to get stuff done: you stood me up, man. were you today?

dear good intentions: thanks for being there--so many of you vying for my attention--though perhaps next time you and motivation could have a little chitchat so we could make something happen.

dear teen girl squad valentimes episode: i will always love you.

dear valentine cards: maybe i'll make you tomorrow. .. . ..but maybe not. i promise--it's me, not you.

dear valentine's day: usually i try to make you into something awesome and personal -- about loving people in general, regardless of whether or not i have a "valentine". well. there is a first time for everything and this year just wasn't our year. i sang a bunch and warmed my fingers up to those steel strings again but didn't really put smiles on the faces of anyone like i wanted to. my night was headed downhill--but i will have you know, i gussied myself up anyways, took a picture to prove it, marched to the grocery store, bought two ingredients and marched myself right back home again, probably passing most the social gatherings i was planning on attending. some years you just don't feel it. luckily, you're an annual sortofa holiday.

dear desiderata: you were the perfect read to end my wearisome night. you'll probably get your own post later for that.

believe it or not, this photo actually underwent fairly little editing. it was a great night for moodily lit self-portraits.

on holding mugs

i was just reading the scriptures while sipping some warm citrus water. i realized that because i'm cold, i was subconsciously clutching my oversized mug up to my chest in between sips so that it would help me stay warm. problem was, the more i drank, the less warm the mug got.

i remember this problem in mexico as well, as we were so cold all the time in our apartment and our best hope of heat at times was the warm drinks we would make. the key to warm drinks was to always keep the mug full because the mug didn't hold any inherent heat. it would only contain the heat brought on by the liquid inside. so the key was to both hold it close as well as drink it so that it our skin would be warm and so would our insides...but to always refill the mug. because if we didn't refill the mug, it was soon be empty and we would be holding something neither hot nor cold. it would do is no good without the warmth inside. however, if we held on for it too long without drinking it, it would become cold anyway.

-- 

you can't hold on to potential; you must do something about it. 

likewise, you always have to be refilling your [creative/spiritual/personal] container with new things for it to be most effective. water was good; warm water was helpful.

resolve

in 2013 i took my resolutions from luke 2:52. 

to be honest, some years i've been better about working to achieve my resolutions, and this was not one of them. a lot of unexpected things happened but a surprising amount of progress was made on these original resolutions. i think it's just because i wrote them down. so that's cool.