i woke with these words on my mind

sleep got up before i did today,
and slowly slipped out the door.

he thought i'd not notice,
but how couldn't i?

because now i just think of him more.



i come to this screen already knowing that words will be irrelevant to convey the awe i've been feeling in these last few minutes of reflection.

but i'm just so amazed and happy; i have to attempt to document something.

i had incredible sharing experiences this weekend.
i got to prepare for and teach relief society, have a good discussion about teaching, and also had a few really, incredibly good one-on-one conversations with incredible people.
like, mind-blowingly good.

i just got back from the most recent one.
i had a bad headache all day.
bottom line: i came back home from our chat with the most excruciating migraine i've had in a long time.
every time i get these i forget how bad they hurt.

but tonight, i can't even be bothered by it.
because it is an absolute testimony that God is in control.


the things that my friend and i discussed needed to be discussed.
currently i must acquiesce to some of the physical conditions placed on my body has right now,
but tonight God needed me to be stronger than my body would naturally physically allow
to relay a few things.

my mind was not working as hard as it would normally be during any other intellectually and spiritually stimulating conversation,
because it physically couldn't be
(or i would most likely vomit, or feel the need to as i do now).

instead, He just sort of took over and spoke through me.
when i needed to say something, the words flowed easily and naturally and effortlessly
like a stream flowing down a mountain.

i wasn't sure if any of it made sense,
but from what my friend expressed to me,
it was a perfectly matched conversation
which we probably both needed for different reasons.

and the cool thing is,
part of my contribution in this particular conversation was made up of parts of so many other conversations i've recently had.
conversions where i did have to strain to think and decidedly choose and craft words to convey thoughts, because i had the physical and mental capacity to do so.
which prepared me for this conversation.

and oh! oh, how others thoughts have become my own.
none of this was just "me".
i love when someone provides me words for something my soul has been trying to say.

i am convinced that on this earth, we create each other.

God has put us here to learn together,
to live together,
to teach each other--
because we are vessels through which He speaks
and because we provide each other the opportunity to become more
--more Us --
every day.

goodness, life is beautiful.
and so, so delightfully clever.


everybody dance now

if anyone's wondering, 10:49pm is an excellent time to have a dance party by oneself in one's room.

and hey, there's still time for like a 10:53pm dance party in whatever room you're in, if you're quick to find a good song.

for that matter, whenever you read this is probably a good time for a personal dance party. probably. i wouldn’t even mind if you commented and told me what time you danced and to what song(s).

also, various derivatives of “dancing for no reason” are probably the only new years resolutions i have remembered and kept.
...so far.

and honestly i think it’s one of the most important ones.

also this may be the most literal blog post title i've ever written.


psa: vulnerability apparently dwindles when you don't use it

you should be proud of me.
i have written a lot lately.
in fact, i have written eight complete blog posts.

...they're all tagged as "drafts" in my post queue from january 29 til now.
where has my courage gone?