just apathy

[note: i had an amazing tally hall friday, and full documentation will follow. however, i just realized how much i need to get done in the next two weeks, so much that i'm not even going to work--i talked to my supervisor and boss today--and with lots of hard work, prayers and sadly little sleep i'll get it all done. note that on my to-do list up top, everything under illustration 2 are oil paintings. (read: panic.) thus, the tally hall post will have to wait. but it'll be worth it...promise.]

yesterday brought with it a stressful morning, and i got to my gesture drawing class late because of the snow. in being late, i missed my quiz (on this amazing book) and sat there while they discussed the answers (i knew most of them, which was frustrating) with no way to make it up. ironically, it was already a 'make-up quiz'. i needed it because i missed one day of class (due to me getting sick FIVE times this semester...yes, five). on the ONE day that i missed this class, our teacher hadn't been there the last week so he gave two quizzes. therefore, i missed both and need both make-up quizzes (there are only two allowed total), and yesterday i missed the first one. injustice! it's been a hard couple of days (weeks...) and that just kind of stomped on my optimism for a good start to the week. instead of sitting in the middle of the chatty group with friends where i usually do, i chose to sloop off into the corner, sit down with my drawing board and plug my ears up with my trusty earbuds, thereby dead to the world (i promise, this isn't typical of me).

the first thing to pop up on my ipod was tally hall. though i love tally hall, i honestly wasn't in the mood for 'happy'. but i couldn't deny the hall on my pod...the songs were just sitting there, staring at me. so, i scrolled down to the more solemn "just apathy" and listened while i started to draw. as the timid piano clinked in my ears, followed by the sad violin and finally rob cantor's somewhat disheartened voice, i felt i'd found an appropriate song for my melancholy mood as i paused to glance at the snowy blur outside. it was good to hear. however, i didn't stop the playlist when it continued with more cheery tally hall songs. surprisingly, i started to pull off some pretty decent drawings as i listened.

at the end of the 3-hour class, i'd listened to the entire tally hall album three times. and was substantially happier.

point being, though i am stressed beyond all reason by school, responsibilities, work, family stuff, relationships, hard decisions, and finals, i've pretty much hit my limit. however, sometimes i'm just reminded of little blessings that keep me going. i just have to remember to open my eyes and accept them for what they are.

for one thing, the back of my van has never looked better, thanks to jeff (you can ignore the dirt):

and yesterday at lunch, i was given a brownie by a random friend. brownies. are. my favorite.


--jeff * said...

it's hard to imagine you as the quiet ear-budded one on the corner, but i'm glad that you did; we all need to step back for a moment sometimes.

two years ago, my favorite tally hall songs were their sunshine-rock songs. but over time, valleys, and rainy days (both metaphorically and meteorologically), their heterophonic tunes life have really risen to the cream of the top. so dang good....

art classes can be the most brutal during finals: a test comes and, whether you're ready for it or not, it's over in an hour. projects hover, demanding time and energy. good luck through the next week and a bit! (and give me a call if you need to get away for some hot chocolate)

lastly, i dig the picture of your excellent-looking van. : )

Chantel said...

i love your thoughts kristen. :) good luck with finals and everything! it will all be over soon.

Chelsea Stebar said...

I'm sorry life has been so miserable for you lately, friend. Thank goodness for Paul and his magical brownie of joy. Just know that I love you and will give you a hug or listen to you angst anytime you need. <3

Josh said...

Hey I got to see you today!! Yay! Good luck with the finals!!! :)

Danielle said...

If anyone can do the seemingly impossible, it's YOU! I don't know how you do it (which, by the way, I'm still waiting for you to divulge that secret to me and thus help wannabes like myself accomplish amazing feats), but YOU DO!

PS: I hope it's okay that I checked out your blog. And that I'm not stalking you. Eep.

PPS: Good luck this week! Afterward, we should celebrate.