red notebook

today, i had an epic salt lake adventure.

7 am departure, makeup in the car, four fabulous friends, awesome parking voucher, wheelchair escapades, really good seats, awesome speakers, laughing and crying, strengthening friendships, pictures with miss holga, mad dash to the car, lightening speed-sandwich making in the back of a trunk (not as shady as it sounds), running into friends, inhaling sandwiches, scoring plaza seating (!), matching nails with matching phones, beautiful music, more amazing talks, more tears (goodness...), lots of inspiration, contemplation, and peace.

clearly, i attended two sessions of conference. :)

i hope you are enjoying it, too! if you like uplifting, encouraging, strengthening and helpful perspective, then it is simply wonderful. i mean, if you're into that happiness kind of thing. ;) 

watch it here tomorrow, two different sessions at 10am and 2pm MDT!

now that i'm older

today was my birthday. i hope you celebrated, too. :) 

red lipstick

for a lot of reasons, i've been thinking about vulnerability a lot.

i've also been intently studying this diagram:

{via here}

and thinking about it.

and then i wrote a 17-page paper on vulnerability and TURNED. IT. IN.
(finally!)
you'd think that'd be pretty inclusive, right?
wrong.
i still have thoughts on it, as i experience it more and more.

so i'll probably write about it on my blog.
probably.

if that's okay with you.

i'll start with this conclusion from my research:

and guess what? so many of you already were willing to be vulnerable, by responding to my last post. no, it wasn't an experiment* at all; i just genuinely wanted to know what others thought of those dichotomies that i've been pondering. and i realized that by sharing some of my vulnerability with you, and you with me, we created a deeper connection. cool, yes?

so i *really* want to thank all of you who commented, emailed, and spoke with me about my last post. that was really neat to hear everyone else open up on those subjects. and if anyone would still like to add, i'd LOVE to hear what you have to say.

{addendum:: i'm going to add "the vulnerability experiment" tag to past and future posts that have to do with trying out vulnerability. lest you think i'm lying up there.}

questions for you

lots of things are going on in my head these days. in various experiences, i've been trying to separate the concept from the event, to make my choices.
--

in reality, i started this post weeks ago. i've made most the choices in my control, but the concepts have stuck with me. so i listed some of them below, without the stigma of my thoughts. why?

because, dear reader, you're always so good to come here and read my thoughts; this time i'd like to hear yours. and by writing down your thoughts and therefore committing them (just for this time and place; they can always change of course) maybe you can learn something, too? 

 i usually don't lobby for comments but if you have any thoughts about these, please leave a comment. i'm honestly very interested in anything you have to say.

--

1 // the dichotomy between being who we are and being who we want to be. similarly, trying to be who we are and being who we think we "should" be, or what our friends / family / peers expect us to be (or already see us as). 

2 // investing in something stable that brings benefits now and potential decent benefits later. or, investing in something unstable now that might potentially bring even better long-term benefits later.

3 // the tension between vulnerability and self-protection. 

4 // the balance of realism and hope. and how much effort to give to both. and how that ties into honesty, especially with yourself.

5 // perfectionism inviting paralysis

6 // where and how to draw the line between pushing ourself hard enough so that we'll grow, and overstepping that point to where we push ourselves too far, which could damage and lead to inhibition rather than growth. (ie, when you work out, you're literally tearing your muscles apart. that's why muscles get bigger; the tissue grows larger on top of the torn areas. but injuries come from pushing too hard, and then you're further away than where you began....)

7 // strengths and weaknesses. and how they tie in with vulnerability and humility and shame.

8 // holding on and letting go.

//photo taken by miss holga, from one of our adventures

um, question. so...where did my night go?

can i just make an observation real quick? i first wrote this on january 25th and it just happened again tonight.

here it is: 11pm turns into 11:30 pm SO QUICKLY these days.

i swear...i glance at the clock and i think, "oh, 11pm. cool. i might get decent sleep tonight. i'll just take two minutes to wrap up [insert cool project/homework assignment/interweb distraction here].

next time i look at the clock, BOOM! it's 11:30. or 11:32. or ... 11:49. ugh. i swear, two minutes used to just be 120 seconds, but maybe it's like the money system between america and europe right now....i don't even know what the euro is going for these days....

did 120 seconds just turn into, like, 1800 seconds when i blinked or something?