explosions

i've been picking at this post for the last few weeks like a kid picks at his steamed green beans. you know. come back to 'em every once in a while, knowing that you can't be excused from the table (or get dessert) til they're gone. obviously i've been on a bit of a posting hiatus, so maybe i'll just publish this one and i can move on to more dessert-like posts (i've started about 6 posts that are in my drafts folder....). some posts are just like that, i guess. ironically, i'm currently in a pleasant mood, though that's not necessarily the tone of this post. so, it is what it is.

if contemplative moody instrumental music had lyrics, i'd probably base this post around them.

but they don't.
so…

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yeah.

lots of things have been changing recently.
like, too quickly. or too abruptly. or too...[insert that feeling of a bad aftertaste in your mouth here].

but at the same time, lots of things have stayed the same.
like, annoyingly the same.
almost so "the same" as to make me wonder if i'm missing something obvious.

and other things have been so surprising
that i don't really know how to deal with them.

these three qualifications,
in almost equal amounts. to the point where i'm almost amused.

and it kind of just makes me want to escape into some grassy field somewhere and not worry about it all, but instead watch the sky change moods and listen to whatever my ears pick up.

and on the other hand, i wish i could go turbo at everything: just plow through it all victoriously and tirelessly with superhuman strength.

food is starting to be a task rather than a joy, and who needs sleep, right?

i can't watch the clouds forever, and i'm not a plow. besides, i like food and sleep. and so my quest for balance continues.

sorry for all the food analogies.
i haven't eaten today; i'll fix that soon.